Lesson Learned

I do plan on continuing my blogs about Ireland, but this incident with Rebecca is just too good to pass up. I'd like to say that this little mishap is right up there with one of the more comical arguments we've ever had. We are generally very successful when it comes to our marriage in the communication department but the miscommunication we experienced last week definitely kept us humble.

Here's some background you'll need to know before delving in: 1) I take the bus to work everyday. Rebecca either drops me off at the bus stop, or I drive myself and leave our car at the stop. If I drive and leave the car, that means Rebecca is riding her bike to work. If not, it means she is obviously dropping me off and taking the car to her work and picking me up again at the end of the day. 2) There are essentially 2 buses I take into work - either the 7:30 or the 8:15. We commonly refer to the first of these as "the early bus" for obvious reasons. On the way home I will most likely shoot for the 4:30 bus, for which I depart the office around 4:15 for. Occasionally I will have to take the 5:20 or the 5:30 pm bus home. I flex my time accordingly so that I will almost always take the 4:30 bus home, regardless of what time I get into the office in the morning. 3) Since my office is located close to downtown, Rebecca and I will occasionally eliminate the bus and she will pick me up at work in order to run errands or tend to something close to downtown rather than going home first.

Ok, now that you have the basic info down - here's what happened, blow by blow:

Last Friday morning, we woke up around 6 am and snoozed until around 6:30 am at which time the question of which bus I was taking was proposed. Knowing that I am superbly great at getting ready in a jiffy when I need to, I responded: "If we get moving now, I can take the early bus." We both hustled and were able to get out the door and on towards the bus stop, with Rebecca dropping me off. On the way to the bus, our conversation went something like this: "What time will you be ready to be picked up?" Rebecca asked. "My usual time - around 4:15," I responded, somewhat surprised (explanation will follow). "Ok, I'll pick you up at 4:15." Rebecca said. "See you then!" I responded. So, with that, I was out of the car and ready to catch the bus.

We did not email nor talk on the phone all day. When 4 pm rolled around, I began wrapping up but resisted the urge to go to the bus as I was getting specially picked up around 4:15. The questions that I was internally asking were: I wonder why Rebecca didn't tell me that she was taking off early today? Why hasn't she called me yet to tell me that she is on her way like she usually does? I tried to give the cell phone a call (of which we only have 1 to share between us, and I had given to her to take for the day as I figured she would need to call me on her way to pick me up.) No answer. Huh - weird. So I waited and waited and still saw no sign of her - so I returned to my office to try and call the cell phone again to see where she was at.

I got a hold of her around 4:25 pm. She answered and was flabbergasted as to why I was not on my way to the bus stop. I then learned that she had been waiting at the bus stop for me to arrive at 4:15. "I thought you were picking me up at work," I said. "I thought you were taking the early bus and getting here at 4:15," she said. And so began the argument of who screwed this one up the most as we were certainly not even close to being on the same page.

Her assumptions: She, for whatever reason, assumed that my statement at 6:30 am of "if we hustle I can take the early bus" meant that I was planning on taking an early bus HOME rather than to work. She also assumed that her question "What time will you be ready to be picked up" was received by me as it related to what time I would be ready to be picked up at the bus stop, not at work.

My assumptions: I assumed that her statement "I'll pick you up" meant that she was going to pick me up at work rather than having me take the bus home. I had assumed that she had some reasons of which were not completely relayed to me as to why it was her plan to pick me up at work, rather than the bus. We had thrown around some talk earlier in the week as to doing so but nothing was ever finalized. I also assumed that her question as to what time I'd be ready to be picked up was in relation to what time I was officially done for the day, which was 4:15pm - when I would normally make my way to the bus stop to catch the 4:30 home.

Her blunder(s): She does not know the bus schedule at all, so she had no way of knowing that there was no bus that dropped me off at the stop at 4:15 pm. She also didn't ask why I had left her the cell phone for the day, when I usually take it with me when taking the bus home.

My blunder(s): I never bothered to ask her why she was taking off early to pick me up at work that day. I also didn't think to double check during the day as I usually do when she picks me up at work.

So, our entire miscommunication could have been avoided had we not made several key assumptions. Why she thought I was referring to my afternoon departure as the "early bus" when we have never referred to any afternoon bus as "the early one" is still a mystery to both of us as we've only attributed the morning bus as such in the past. I also told her that my mind processed "I'll pick you up" as odd and therefore automatically deciphered it to mean that she was going to pick me up at work - because I was like "DUH" of course you'll pick me up - how else would I get home?! She argued that there was no reason for her to pick me up downtown - so why did I think that was the case? I, again, was guilty on that because I was under the thinking that she had her reasons and I didn't need to know why - I was also just happy to know that I was getting picked up, rather than taking the bus home. I could go on and on how this heated but hysterical conversation played out once we realized that we were BOTH at fault and had made one too many assumptions that led to our set-back. In the end though, there was no love lost as we laughed it off and chalked it up as a learning experience in our communication together.

Remember: "Don't ASSUME - you'll end up making an A** out of "U" and ME. " Lesson learned.