Unbelievable. Talk about ending one chapter of our lives in dramatic fashion! I didn't even have any time to process the finale before we were packing the hospital bag and preparing the house for our soon-to-be-born baby! Yes, less than 18 hours after "The End" came "The Beginning" of sweet little Natalie Grace Long's life.
I thought I was prepared. I read books, we talked things through. We watched graphic videos depicting exactly what childbirth would look like. Oh how wrong I was. Nothing prepares you for that moment. And I am so glad for it! While it is often delivery that gets most of the attention in a father's retelling of the blessed event, it was the 15 or so hours leading up to 'the main event' that still have me reeling.
My wife is amazing. She'd never brag about herself in a hundred years, unless of course it's about beating me at Guitar Hero, so I take it upon myself to talk her up instead. We went into our pregnancy with high hopes and plans to provide our baby the best possible environment for her well-being and health. As most of you know by now, Rebecca and I are very environmentally conscious and seek ways to live simply, i.e. organic foods, reducing our carbon footprint, care of creation, etc. So, in addition to a continual vigilance towards nutrition (read those food labels!) and keeping our waste and resources in check, we decided that there were a few things that would be priorities for our pregnancy, labor and parenting. One of those priorities, especially after doing our reading and viewing of "The Business of Being Born" was to attempt to labor and deliver without medicinal intervention. We were never completely opposed to an epidural or pain medications, for we realized that circumstances do change quickly and such intervention can ease suffering and save lives. And yet, the more we talked and listened to the research and stories of other women, the more we (and by 'we' I mean 'she') realized that natural childbirth was still possible, even in the 21st century. So we created a birth plan which indicated our preferences for managing the pain without first trying our go at it naturally and set out to bring baby Long into the world.
We met with a member of Grace Lutheran (she happened to be a nurse who taught pregnancy/parenting classes), who gave us a few tips for breathing through the contractions, breastfeeding techniques, etc. and instilled in us confidence and encouragement that we could do this. We considered enlisting a Doula's services, but it just didn't seem to work out. In the end, I don't know if I would've been able to leave her side! As labor quickly approached, nervousness set in, but we remained hopeful all would go well and whatever happened along the way, this baby would be born safely.
Labor was long, but we took each contraction one at a time and breathed them each away. As they intensified, Rebecca stayed in a zone like I'd never seen before. She was unflappable. Man, I could not believe how strong this woman was! She was a warrior. The nurses checked in from time to time with her, seeing if she needed any meds to alleviate the pain, and each time she looked them square in the eye and said, "No. I'm managing." She wasn't invincible, but she was managing them. I did my best to breathe with her and massage, accompany, encourage, be water boy and DJ whenever necessary - it was such a blessing to watch this woman operate through such a challenging life event.
As I stood by and watched her push our child closer and closer to what seemed a laughably small opening, I swelled with pride and love. Although not exactly sure what is 'normal' in delivery, our baby's head was crowning for at least 40 minutes. I caught myself saying "almost there" around 100 times before I made myself think of something else to say. But, she was patient. She listened to our doctor's coaching without complaint. She sweated it out, she even made a joke or two. And then, just when I thought she'd had enough, she kept going....and going....and going. I cannot imagine how painful this must have felt with drugs or without. But in my wife's case, she was without them and man, did I ever want to break out the biggest, rowdiest, pump-you-up, chest thumping boasts I could think of: "THIS IS MY WIFE!!" Talk about courage!
When our baby's head finally did emerge from her vagina, my mouth about hit the floor. I was totally speechless. I was expecting something the size of a Nerf football - but out came a little PERSON! Are you kidding me???? I instantaneously broke into tears and the rest is just a blur. I remember hearing "it's a girl!" and "Put her on Mom's chest" - but that is about it. I cut the cord and stood in awe of what had just happened. It was a powerful moment I will never forget. I regained my wits long enough to pose for a picture or two, kiss my wife and give God thanks over and over again for this little miracle. We confirmed to one another our name choice and shared "Natalie Grace" with the room.
And so, here I am, four days into parenthood with our precious gift from God. Natalie is nothing short of beautiful and I cannot stop gazing at her. I love her little kitty like squeaks and sounds and even her cries bring a smile to my face as I bask in the afterglow of becoming a Daddy. I never thought I would ever take this many sleeping baby photos nor did I imagine I'd actually enjoy waking in the middle of the night to change a diaper, but I am loving every minute of this.
The journey to parenthood was not easy for us. Our faith and hope were tested many times. We do not take for granted one minute of this little miracle named Natalie, and I still do not think it has completely set in that I am now a Dad. I didn't realize just how much my heart would expand with joy and peace now that she is here. And along with the joy that Natalie has given me, so has my wife and the many friends and family who generously offered their prayers and support throughout it all. But I am especially grateful for Jesus Christ, the Light on my path when the road was dark, the hand outstretched when I couldn't go on and my Friend and my God, whose promises embraced me in the hope that, "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
Life is good. Life is so, so good.
