This past week has been a long one. Many ups and downs - and one of the most notable "downs" was hearing the news about our car's transmission being broken. Yeah, its never easy to hear about your otherwise healthy car experiencing a major setback like that - and then having to face some hard decisions on what to do next. And driving it is somewhat of a MUST being that it is the only car we own. However, I have really been awakened to some long buried truths inside of me because of this setback...
Driving our car is tricky - you can't take it past 2 RPM's before the transmission clunks out and derails the forward momentum. Putting the car into reverse makes a horrific "the engine just fell out of our car" like sound. Red stoplights are public enemy #1 because you have to stop all your momentum and go back into "slow ride" mode and give the car time to adjust itself and get back up to speed. Hills are public enemy #2. A hill after a red light - that really, really sucks. But, ever since having to drive it like this and debating whether its time for a new "used" car, my brain gears have been stimulated and I can't stop thinking about embarking on a personal skill quest that I have put off for far too long...
This skill quest I speak of entails setting aside my pride and truly seeking out the skills I have taken for granted, cast aside and relied on others to do for me for most of my life. The big 3-0 is one year away and I am embarrassed that I do not know how to do a certain number of basic things that I really should know how to do. So, for accountability purposes, I give you my real 2008 goals (I looked at my other goals and scoffed at how weak and feeble they are compared to this list) - so without anymore delay, here is my great skill quest:
1) At the top of the list and by which this quest was inspired, is the skill of learning how to drive a manual transmission automobile. I have learned this once or twice in my life, but never followed up with consistent practice, so I don't feel confident enough to get behind the wheel of any "stick shift" vehicle. If a driver is needed to man one of these cars, I hide and look for someone else who knows how to and just let them do it for me. But, I REALLY want to know how to do drive with a clutch. I want to be part of this "cool kids" club of having the ability to drive anything on earth - whether it be automatic OR manual. I want to be able to confidently get behind the wheel of a Ferrari and drive that sucker like it was meant to be driven (if ever given the opportunity of course!) I want to speak the language they speak, "yeah man, I was stuck in second gear - couldn't get out from behind that truck..." What does that mean? I want to be able to translate that kind of chit-chat and know what they're talking about. I am even to the point that if I learn this skill, I will make a conscious decision to make the next vehicle purchase a manual car. I am that serious people. I am determined to learn how to do this for myself AND then be able to pass the skill on to others like me who continue to live in fear and shame...
2) How to Ice Skate & Roller blade. I know it seems funny to have this on my skill quest - but I have never learned or sought out consistent practice to join in on the fun. I have skated once or twice, and it was more like "walking" with ice skates on. It was not fluid or graceful. Once I did get going, I never truly embraced the skill of stopping correctly - I would just fall or grab onto something stable. Hopefully, this will no longer be the case - I vow to learn this skill once and for all. Its embarrassing to tell people I don't know how to when they learn that I grew up in Minnesota of all places...
3) How to Ski, skateboard, snowboard. See above description.
4) How to do repairs on my own car. For too long I have relied on bringing my car into places and paying out the nose to have them repair simple things that I should know how to do on my own. Part of this is for convenience sake - and I would continue to use this excuse even when it was not applicable. But I know there is another way and that if given the right teaching, I could learn to assess car issues better and know what to do to resolve those issues. If nothing else, just correctly identifying the problem will allow me to make better decisions when bringing it into a mechanic. I realize that this is a skill that takes years and a lot of practice to master, but my confidence is rather low when opening the hood of my car - and this needs to change.
5) How to fish. I know how to stick my pole in the water, set the hook and reel in the fish. It took some time, but I do feel confident in my abilities to bring the fish into the boat. What I don't know how to do is all the stuff that happens before and after these actions. I don't know the first thing about tying the weights and lures to the fishing line - I have watched others do it first hand for so long, but if it was thrust into my hands for me to do it for myself - I'd be lost. I also don't know how to properly clean and fillet a fish. I've seen it done in front of me many times, but if given the knife, I'd be guessing. Again, being from the land of lakes and not knowing this isn't exactly a self-esteem builder...
There are several refresher courses that I could use from time to time - like sewing, using a chainsaw, reading music, shooting a gun etc. I know how to do them, but I don't have consistent practice to put them under my belt as definite skills. I know that this list will more than likely grow as I continue to look around me and realize the great number of things that I shrug my shoulders at and tell people that I don't know how to do. I'm secure with myself and know that many skills have gone by the wayside due to earlier years of fear, insecurity and self-doubt. My current skill quest will only be possible as long as I am able to convince myself that's it never too late to learn and by asking others for their time and talent to teach me - so be prepared if you're reading this and know how to do these things - I may be calling on you. And if there's anything I can help you with - say if you need to know how to install blow-in insulation or use an egg white-separator, let me know. I'll scratch your back if you teach me how to drive a stick shift...
And by the way, speaking of "new skills" and "never done that before" - I am on week two of growing a beard. I've gone this long without going insane - so, I'm just going to let it grow. What started out as a dare to go 2 weeks has now taken me to a new place of curiosity and experimentation - and I think I may let it go until Easter. I'll know for certain by then whether or not I can grow one - which will settle the dispute and curiosity once and for all.
"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood."
Friday, February 29, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
Stuck in Slow Mo'
Let me just state the obvious: being out sick is not fun. Having little to no energy to write, let alone even read, is just plain terrible. I have been stuck in a slow motion time vacuum the last several days - taking more naps than a two year old, and watching more television than I care to admit. Oh, I'm now able to breathe through my nose for the first time since I came down with whatever it is that I've come down with - so having said that, I think you know where I'm coming from. I am still not 100% - probably around 80% - and picking up the last twenty units of health is still far reaching at the moment. I could go into more detail of what is wrong with me, but, let's just say that I am definitely not firing on all cylinders yet - but, I'm here, and that's good enough for the time being.
While sleeping for much of the last 4 days I have thought about my blog, and how I really couldn't raise up the energy to write, despite being out of work and home with plenty of time on my hands. I wanted to - but, I just couldn't do it. I forced myself to enjoy a warm February day last Friday, the second day of my battle against the infection infantry, and I went for a brief 30 minute walk around the neighborhood. By the time I returned, I was exhausted - actually out of breath - and I earned myself a longer than usual afternoon nap. I felt truly pathetic at that point. The nights were by far the worse - uncontrollable shivering, high body temps, dry lips, restlessness - I underestimated the extent of my illness. From what I hear, I am not the only one in this country right now that is dealing with this viral onslaught and sapping of strength. I feel comforted that I am not the only one dealing with congestion, plugged ears and lingering headaches - but it still stinks. But, my body is figuring the enemy out and making a surge of its own, and I know I will rise to 100% in a matter of days - I can see the light my friends, I will be back.
On a completely different topic, I have decided to embark on a new quest of self-discovery and growth. To be more specific - hair growth. Deciding to skip shaving during my illness, I was somewhat challenged by my beloved to see what kind of results I can achieve after at least two weeks of not shaving. To most men, this would be a welcome invitation - but to me, it will be nothing short of torture. I have zero confidence in my ability to grow a beard - I have given up numerous times before, and resolved to myself that "I cannot grow a beard." I have been very content with a freshly shaven "baby face," if you will. I have grown quite used to being mistaken for a teenager and I have no qualms with my inability to sport a cool goatee or Jesus-like beard. My wife however, thinks that I have simply not tried hard enough to truly know if this is the case. So, for the next week or two, I will try to once and for all convince the both of us that this ability is not in my genes- that I am indeed, meant to wield a razor for the rest of my life.
Yes, I am willing to experiment and I am more than willing to accept her challenge - but I am not going to enjoy this for 90% of the time. The irritation it causes and my constant need to run my hand over it will surely drive me insane. And then there are the looks I will surely be given by my co-workers, peers and passerby. It will be sheer agony to hold my tongue from spewing the truth of the matter - that I am by no means doing this because I think it "looks cool." On others, yes, it looks cool - for instance, my friend Matt grew a killer beard a few years ago - I was jealous - and my friend Andrew - hey, the man practically invented the cool goatee - but me? No - not so much. I'll keep you posted. Let the discomfort continue.
While sleeping for much of the last 4 days I have thought about my blog, and how I really couldn't raise up the energy to write, despite being out of work and home with plenty of time on my hands. I wanted to - but, I just couldn't do it. I forced myself to enjoy a warm February day last Friday, the second day of my battle against the infection infantry, and I went for a brief 30 minute walk around the neighborhood. By the time I returned, I was exhausted - actually out of breath - and I earned myself a longer than usual afternoon nap. I felt truly pathetic at that point. The nights were by far the worse - uncontrollable shivering, high body temps, dry lips, restlessness - I underestimated the extent of my illness. From what I hear, I am not the only one in this country right now that is dealing with this viral onslaught and sapping of strength. I feel comforted that I am not the only one dealing with congestion, plugged ears and lingering headaches - but it still stinks. But, my body is figuring the enemy out and making a surge of its own, and I know I will rise to 100% in a matter of days - I can see the light my friends, I will be back.
On a completely different topic, I have decided to embark on a new quest of self-discovery and growth. To be more specific - hair growth. Deciding to skip shaving during my illness, I was somewhat challenged by my beloved to see what kind of results I can achieve after at least two weeks of not shaving. To most men, this would be a welcome invitation - but to me, it will be nothing short of torture. I have zero confidence in my ability to grow a beard - I have given up numerous times before, and resolved to myself that "I cannot grow a beard." I have been very content with a freshly shaven "baby face," if you will. I have grown quite used to being mistaken for a teenager and I have no qualms with my inability to sport a cool goatee or Jesus-like beard. My wife however, thinks that I have simply not tried hard enough to truly know if this is the case. So, for the next week or two, I will try to once and for all convince the both of us that this ability is not in my genes- that I am indeed, meant to wield a razor for the rest of my life.
Yes, I am willing to experiment and I am more than willing to accept her challenge - but I am not going to enjoy this for 90% of the time. The irritation it causes and my constant need to run my hand over it will surely drive me insane. And then there are the looks I will surely be given by my co-workers, peers and passerby. It will be sheer agony to hold my tongue from spewing the truth of the matter - that I am by no means doing this because I think it "looks cool." On others, yes, it looks cool - for instance, my friend Matt grew a killer beard a few years ago - I was jealous - and my friend Andrew - hey, the man practically invented the cool goatee - but me? No - not so much. I'll keep you posted. Let the discomfort continue.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Conquering the Impossible
How can one put into words what has transpired in the last 24 hours? For those of you who witnessed the fall of the mighty Patriots in the Super Bowl, I'm sure you're still a little dizzy and shell-shocked. Wow. Super Bowl 42 will be remembered forever as the game that the ultimate "Goliath" was defeated by the ultimate "David." This NFL football season has seen many a goliath conquered and has taught me several important truths that I think I had started to doubt along the way - and it took this incredible game last night to stir my personal sleeping Giant inside. Witnessing the underdog of all underdogs prevailing - wow - I feel more alive this morning than I have in a long time. Something clicked last night, something truly came alive in the depths of my heart that has haunted me all night long. I need to let it out.
I am no sports writer, so I do not plan to recap how the New York Giants defeated the New England Patriots in dazzling fashion last night. I watched from beginning to end like many of you, and saw something amazing happen - proven winners like Brady, Bellicheck and the undefeated Patriots, fell to the heroics of Eli Manning, David Tyree and Tom Coughlin's Giants. "The Giants shocked everyone but themselves" and "We believed in each other" and "Every team is beatable" say the writers and players. All of these statements are true, no doubt about that, but to see them for what they really are is quite difficult. I confess that I had at some point secretly wanted to see the Patriots do it - that I would have been okay with seeing them cap a perfect season with a win over the Giants in the Super Bowl. I felt the game would be close through 3 quarters, then the Patriots would run away with it like they had for all of the season save for a couple last second saves against the Eagles and Ravens. I was going to cheer for the underdog, yes, but I did want the Patriots to win because I still felt that it was inevitable - The Patriots were too experienced, too powerful - too undefeated to lose to an underdog like the 2007 New York Giants. I was doing what so many of us football fans do - I was preparing myself for disappointment - rationalizing that despite my desire to see the miraculous, I might as well resign to see this Patriots "team of destiny" make history.
And then about half-way through the game, something clicked inside and stomped out those feelings entirely. I saw a Giants team putting everything they had onto that field (again) and sticking it to these unsinkable Patriots - they were not playing a game that they intended to see slip through their fingers at the end, no - they were playing to shock the world and prove to everyone that nothing was impossible. They were facing this giant just as a little shepherd boy named David had done many, many years prior. My heart stirred and truly believed it was possible - I officially abandoned my desire to see a perfect season in my lifetime and I put my whole heart in the Giants - I was no longer going to "be okay" with a Giants loss this day - I was going to pump my fists in victory like it was my Vikings, or I was going to grieve and sulk in defeat. I temporarily put my Viking pride aside and adopted the Giants - I wanted to see a Super Bowl miracle.
Sharing this game with actual New York Giants fans was such a joy. Sitting at the edge of our seats, or not sitting at all - that is what watching a game like this should be like. Having the opportunity to share in an experience with other loved ones who truly desired nothing less than seeing their home team win the Super Bowl - ahh, what a difference that makes. Sure we watched the game on the best television my eyes have ever seen, and ate from a food spread that was to die for - but the company we shared was the real treat. This was the best Super Bowl party I've ever been to - screaming in complete and total joy whenever the Giants sacked Brady, and grimacing and worrying when the Patriots got in the end zone...but to watch a stunning and odds-defying final drive that sent us all to frantic pacing and anticipation of the upset of all time becoming a strong possibility - AWESOME. There's no recapping the emotion that flooded that room when Eli connected with Plaxico for the go-ahead score with 30 seconds remaining - we jumped and hugged and screamed in joy, going hoarse with euphoria - I wouldn't trade that moment for the world.
It is no coincidence that 2008 has started with a recurring theme of "Facing Your Giants" for me. From watching the movie "Facing the Giants" to leading a small group at a Senior High Lutheran synod Retreat under the theme "Facing your Giants" to this NFL New York Giants team beating the ultimate giant of a team like New England - all signs are pointing to seeing the impossible and unconquerable personal giants defeated within my own life. I awoke resolved to stare fear in the eye, to change what needs changing, and to stand firm in the mighty promises of God - yes, this year is off to a great start. In 2008 my dreams are coming true (that means you Dave!), risks are being taken and faith is being lived - we'll be living on the edge and leaning on our faith in new ways. When Eli Manning lifted the Lombardi trophy last night, something lifted within my own heart - and I cannot be the same. I know this mountain top feeling will subside, but even when it does, the 2007 New York Giants will still be Super Bowl champions. Their accomplishment can never be erased, and like them, I too am determined to be different - better. Last night's upset was an encouragement to us all faced with uncertainty, challenge and insurmountable odds. We can know that with faith, hope, love and a little togetherness - anything can happen - even the impossible.
I dedicate this to you, Tom Trovato - congrats on your Giant victory. You and your team are world champions. I'm grateful that I could share in your joy! And to you little brother - I can't wait to see all that God has in store for us!
Friday, February 1, 2008
Is Anybody Out There?
It has been a long week at work. Breaking free to write for fun has not been easy, and despite many good things going on all around me, I still find myself having this deep down need to vent and share my heart.
So, what is up with email these days? I have some questions and concerns. First of all, most of my working life consists of it, and over all, I would say it is an effective method of communication about 50% of the time. I think back to life before email and wonder how we as a people were able to live successfully for so many years without it. The pace was much slower, waiting on letters in the mail and scheduling time to meet face to face and hash out our differences, dreams, plans and life events together. We also relied on the trusty ol' telephone, or "land line" as it is called today, and for the most part, we were okay with these methods. I am still quite okay with these methods - I love receiving personal letters or postcards, phone calls and in-person meetings - even a nice little "stop and chat" is welcome most of the time.
I remember when I received my first email account - I was a freshman in college and we were all given a school account. It was the coolest thing in the world to me. I wrote people constantly - I couldn't stop checking it and replying to friends and family. My friend had an AOL account set up in his room and we were constantly on it instant messaging people from all over - it was definitely a great waste of time and without a doubt provided both appropriate and inappropriate distractions from classes. Then, there came a time when one email account was not enough - I set up a free MSN hotmail account. Wow - amazing! The ability to access email anywhere in the world and not just from college! I couldn't get enough of it, even when I was far away, I felt close to those I cared about.
As time wore on, the email excitement has faded and I began losing touch with more and more friends. My address book remains quite full, but the actual consistent correspondence with those individuals is very minimal. Now, 10 years after I received my first email account, I have 5 different accounts, including my work email. I still enjoy sending and receiving email, but not nearly as much as when I was first introduced. And despite the fact that I am practically a professional email communicator at work, I still enjoy the practice of it in my free time. This last week of work though, I did not enjoy email because I probably spent easily 45 hours writing, reading and reading and writing some more email. And I can say with certainty that most people don't read email anymore. Students are constantly asking me questions that I just addressed specifically in an email. "Did you read the email?" I ask them. "Yeahh" They respond hesitantly. "Really? The whole thing?" Silence. I have tried multiple ways of getting the word out and never with a whole lot of success. With all the methods of "easy communication" out there - text messaging, instant messaging, cell phones, personal web pages, blogs - we are still failing miserably. I am tired of it. Perhaps we didn't have it so bad before, when it was more difficult, when it was slower. At least then I had low expectations and knew that everyone else was in the same boat.
We are reacting less and less to each other and our communication is falling off drastically (see "Blinker blog".) For instance, we all send each other Christmas cards and letters, but we're not really responding to each other after reading them are we? Of the two dozen or so that we received, we've talked to only a handful of them since then, and most likely, won't talk or correspond with most of them until next Christmas. What's up with that? I'm guilty - you're guilty - we're all falling way short here. I decided to join the ever increasingly popular "Email Christmas letter" bandwagon and sent our "Year in Review" out to at least 60 email addresses of friends and family. I fully expected to receive at least 45 email replies - and instead, I got around 10 - maybe. I don't even know if any of those non-repliers even read it, could open it, or whether I had the right address or not. Of the info we recapped and presented for the first time, I had shared via telephone with around 15 people - so what happened to the rest? Do they know what's going on with us? Do I know what's going on with them? Probably not. Maybe. Who knows? I fully intended to use these "easy" technological methods to be a better friend and consistent communicator. Not including my weekly blogs, I would give myself a C+. Perhaps I would be better at handwriting and sending letters the old fashioned way.
We're all really busy and we've all narrowed down who we're going to really stay in touch with on a consistent basis. We have these technological wonders around us that we can use to talk to each other easily and frequently, but we're not really using them. The meaning isn't what it used to be. It's nice to get a long email from someone you haven't talked to in awhile, but then, we let the connection eventually fade back into oblivion. Wow, how depressing is this? I do strive to take all this to heart and do what I can to change it. I want to call more friends and share a five minute chat as opposed to a 8k email. I want to send my loved ones more "snail mail" with the latest news and ponderings from my life. I will send email yes, but I refuse to rely soley on it from now on.
Ahh - much better. I hope these words are more inspiring than convicting. Yes, I feel convicted that I haven't been a better friend to most of you that read "Life-in-tents" on a consistent basis, and I hope that we can at least talk to each other through this blog and maybe even add in a few phone chats from time to time. Who knows, perhaps a face to face is in the near future for us. Either way - I do appreciate each and every one of you and am thankful to have the opportunity to write and give you the latest from my world.
Now, send me an email, or better yet, give me a call so I know you're out there!
So, what is up with email these days? I have some questions and concerns. First of all, most of my working life consists of it, and over all, I would say it is an effective method of communication about 50% of the time. I think back to life before email and wonder how we as a people were able to live successfully for so many years without it. The pace was much slower, waiting on letters in the mail and scheduling time to meet face to face and hash out our differences, dreams, plans and life events together. We also relied on the trusty ol' telephone, or "land line" as it is called today, and for the most part, we were okay with these methods. I am still quite okay with these methods - I love receiving personal letters or postcards, phone calls and in-person meetings - even a nice little "stop and chat" is welcome most of the time.
I remember when I received my first email account - I was a freshman in college and we were all given a school account. It was the coolest thing in the world to me. I wrote people constantly - I couldn't stop checking it and replying to friends and family. My friend had an AOL account set up in his room and we were constantly on it instant messaging people from all over - it was definitely a great waste of time and without a doubt provided both appropriate and inappropriate distractions from classes. Then, there came a time when one email account was not enough - I set up a free MSN hotmail account. Wow - amazing! The ability to access email anywhere in the world and not just from college! I couldn't get enough of it, even when I was far away, I felt close to those I cared about.
As time wore on, the email excitement has faded and I began losing touch with more and more friends. My address book remains quite full, but the actual consistent correspondence with those individuals is very minimal. Now, 10 years after I received my first email account, I have 5 different accounts, including my work email. I still enjoy sending and receiving email, but not nearly as much as when I was first introduced. And despite the fact that I am practically a professional email communicator at work, I still enjoy the practice of it in my free time. This last week of work though, I did not enjoy email because I probably spent easily 45 hours writing, reading and reading and writing some more email. And I can say with certainty that most people don't read email anymore. Students are constantly asking me questions that I just addressed specifically in an email. "Did you read the email?" I ask them. "Yeahh" They respond hesitantly. "Really? The whole thing?" Silence. I have tried multiple ways of getting the word out and never with a whole lot of success. With all the methods of "easy communication" out there - text messaging, instant messaging, cell phones, personal web pages, blogs - we are still failing miserably. I am tired of it. Perhaps we didn't have it so bad before, when it was more difficult, when it was slower. At least then I had low expectations and knew that everyone else was in the same boat.
We are reacting less and less to each other and our communication is falling off drastically (see "Blinker blog".) For instance, we all send each other Christmas cards and letters, but we're not really responding to each other after reading them are we? Of the two dozen or so that we received, we've talked to only a handful of them since then, and most likely, won't talk or correspond with most of them until next Christmas. What's up with that? I'm guilty - you're guilty - we're all falling way short here. I decided to join the ever increasingly popular "Email Christmas letter" bandwagon and sent our "Year in Review" out to at least 60 email addresses of friends and family. I fully expected to receive at least 45 email replies - and instead, I got around 10 - maybe. I don't even know if any of those non-repliers even read it, could open it, or whether I had the right address or not. Of the info we recapped and presented for the first time, I had shared via telephone with around 15 people - so what happened to the rest? Do they know what's going on with us? Do I know what's going on with them? Probably not. Maybe. Who knows? I fully intended to use these "easy" technological methods to be a better friend and consistent communicator. Not including my weekly blogs, I would give myself a C+. Perhaps I would be better at handwriting and sending letters the old fashioned way.
We're all really busy and we've all narrowed down who we're going to really stay in touch with on a consistent basis. We have these technological wonders around us that we can use to talk to each other easily and frequently, but we're not really using them. The meaning isn't what it used to be. It's nice to get a long email from someone you haven't talked to in awhile, but then, we let the connection eventually fade back into oblivion. Wow, how depressing is this? I do strive to take all this to heart and do what I can to change it. I want to call more friends and share a five minute chat as opposed to a 8k email. I want to send my loved ones more "snail mail" with the latest news and ponderings from my life. I will send email yes, but I refuse to rely soley on it from now on.
Ahh - much better. I hope these words are more inspiring than convicting. Yes, I feel convicted that I haven't been a better friend to most of you that read "Life-in-tents" on a consistent basis, and I hope that we can at least talk to each other through this blog and maybe even add in a few phone chats from time to time. Who knows, perhaps a face to face is in the near future for us. Either way - I do appreciate each and every one of you and am thankful to have the opportunity to write and give you the latest from my world.
Now, send me an email, or better yet, give me a call so I know you're out there!
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