I Rock!

Happy New Year! I hope all of your holiday gatherings and celebrations were fun-filled as well as fulfilling. I apologize for the week off from writing, but our newly installed Internet at home is dial-up and still a bit slow - not that this is my excuse for not writing, because in all honesty, I just never got around to it...but if I HAD, let's just say the Internet would've been too slow. ANYWHO - let's kick off 2008 with another Life-in-Tents posting, shall we?

Although I deplore the act of bragging and patting oneself on the back for doing a job well done - for it's not exactly "humble" and it is merely done to irritate others so that you may feel better about yourself - I still feel the need to do so for I rarely have an actual opportunity to justifiably warrant such a prideful display, let alone 2 reasons to feel particularly proud of my accomplishments. The first accomplishment is of the competitive nature and will no doubt irritate some of my cherished readership, of which I do apologize - but obviously my apology is a bit tongue-in-cheek, for if I was truly sincere, I probably wouldn't be writing about it! The second accomplishment is a personal one, of which I have no competition to alienate other than the fears within that have lost a foothold upon me. So here, in the first Life-in-tents installment of 2008 are 2 reasons why "I Rock" (aka I'm awesome, I'm a stud, I'm World's Best Dude etc.)

After 17 long weeks of the National Football League head to head gridiron Pick 'em contest, the regular season has ended and a new Long Family football picks champion has been crowned. The former champ has been dethroned and the new face of excellency has taken the title and glory that is simply known to all as the "winner." And yes, I am happy to announce that I am that winner. You see, this distinguished title has been in existence 3 years now - and the title has changed hands every year, but is mine for the first time, and hopefully, not the last. I would like to say that I have been close in the previous two campaigns, but that was certainly not the case. No, this year's rise to the top was as unexpected by my competitors, and almost as much, if not more so, by myself. I tried to go into it with a fresh perspective and strategy, but, just like so many other years of mental competitions, I was haunted by my long-standing track record for finding a way to sabotage my instincts and abilities. It was a struggle and an often up-hill battle against my gut instincts and intelligence - but, somehow, the gods of guess looked down upon me and smiled and I am now able to give myself a hearty pat on the back for a job well done. Yes, my enormous lead diminished, my opponents will counter, but like the Patriots and there bid for perfection, I withstood the big red target on my back and was able to hold on for dear life through the rough patches and at the end walk proudly away with a strong finish and my first ever Long Family Football Pick 'em crown.

The second accomplishment is silly really. It is not something I expect many of you will shake your heads in astonishment and revelry and say " wow, that Keith is something to behold..." No, I expect that you will probably be saying that alright, but in a much different tone. As many of you may know, I have a wild and active imagination which has from time to time led to some paralyzing self-induced fears and realizations that have been not only ridiculously far-fetched but just flat out untrue. Here are some examples:

1) In middle school after viewing the action-packed "Firebirds" movie with Apache Attack Helicopters, my *friend and I decided to build one of our own, out of cardboard, folding chairs and discarded wood. We were disappointed to never even get airborne.
2) Terrified of having to shower in 6th grade physical education class, another *friend and I decided that we needed to "tan" so that we would not look so pasty white when we disrobed and made the walk of shame to the open shower stalls with the rest of our pre-pubescent classmates. Our remedy was to throw on some spandex and lay topless on Styrofoam mats on my front lawn to catch some rays on our nether regions - so we wouldn't look ridiculous come shower time...
3) Hiding a baseball bat under my bed during my high school years, I felt secure knowing that should an intruder break into my room late at night, I could easily disarm them with my heroic acts of self-defense by unleashing my cat-like agility and knocking them out with one or two - or eight swift swings of the ol' Louisville Slugger...

*Names withheld to protect from shame and ridicule by loved ones

So here I am with the latest debunking of a far-fetched fear that had previously kept me from taking action. Ready? Here it is: I finally went under the house in the crawl space and finished laying a plastic vapor barrier over the exposed ground, thereby preventing mold and moisture from affecting the wood flooring of our house. Yes, you read that right. I willed myself to crawl under the house. I know, most of you are scratching your heads in disbelief, thinking "That's it?" And yes, I agree whole-hearted with you - I really had worked myself up for something so very, very uncomplicated. I was done in like 5 minutes. I couldn't believe how I put that task off for so long because of the following untrue predictions:

1) I would encounter dead life of some kind that would stink to high heaven and be really really gross to not only see but have to be removed.
2) There would be lots and lots of spiders and insect nests that I would disrupt and potentially be trapped by and crawled upon by.
3) That I may encounter a living animal of some kind - like a raccoon or possum - and have no way of defending myself in the event of an attack.
4) That I may see a ton of problems that would inevitably mean spending more time down there fixing (but I wouldn't want to because of one of the 3 above being true.)

So, last week, I built up the courage and knocked this home improvement task out in the span of a measly 5 minutes. I put on my head lamp, jeans and painter clothes and threw open the creepy doors that had held me at bay for 3 years running and I slithered around the open space of dirt and pipes and insulation until I found the bare ground that needed plastic - all the way at the front of the house, the furthest distance from the entrance as suspected. I can say proudly that I finished the job and continued on my way with none of the above imagined challenges being true. It was fantastic - I felt so free and proud - and despite how pathetic and ridiculous this must be to read, I can say that I do not care, for I have conquered another fear. I still, without a doubt - rock.