Unglued

Maybe I should stop keeping a Blog Reading List, because seriously, these people are making me look bad. I'm ready to start firing off excuses: I'm a full time student, I'm a first time Daddy, I have nothing interesting to say, etc. The truth of the matter is that I am just a total slacker when it comes to writing. The interesting part of that fact is that I love writing - yet, one would never know it judging from this blog, would they?  The other day I sat down and wrote in my journal. That was awesome. The last time I'd written in it was May 2011. A lot can happen in four months. I was overwhelmed with where to begin. So I just wrote what was on my mind at the moment. Man, that felt great. There is something unique about writing to yourself about yourself. Freeing. Comforting. Inspiring. Weird. Yeah, so it was overdue, long overdue, but I did it. 

I'd like to say my slacker-ness is due to being a senior at Seminary. Graduation is just a few months away (May 20th, 2012.) My first two years in the classroom at Sem were far different than this year. I'm still an eager learner, just a much less worried one. I'm still getting stuff done on time and all, but I have a much more laid back mentality about it. Part of this is because of all of the other requirements I need to get done on top of my homework. Blah, blah, blah - you don't want to hear about those and frankly, I really don't want to write about them.

But I really don't want to make this just another "I suck at writing consistently" blog entry. I know I've done this before. We all go through peaks and valleys after all. The truth is that all my above mentioned excuses are certainly taking their toll on the frequency of my writing. I have gotten up at least 11 times (and counting) to check on Natalie during this post. She's becoming more and more mobile by the day. Loves to be on her feet now. I watched her yesterday try to go solo as she kept one hand on her exersaucer and reached the other hand out for the chair I was sitting in. I watched as she realized that for a few split seconds she was unglued entirely. I don't know what that feels like in an 8 month old's mind, but for her 32 year old Daddy, it was invigorating!  Then she fell down and cried. I picked her up, reassured her and thirty seconds later, "she's okay!" and back to testing her physical limitations. Just that little observation of human development in the life of a child makes me jealous. I want to experience the world like that, you know? To be tested and challenged, to become even a little unglued once in awhile. Falling isn't the end of the world - in my experience, hurt and failure have often led to the most meaningful growth and opportunities to receive the compassionate, reassuring love of God. I can't explain how, but I'm just saying this has been true for me.

I'm not counting down the days until graduation like I did in high school and college. I love doing what I'm doing here at Luther Seminary. I love having the opportunity to try new things in preaching class (no manuscript - woohoo!!), learning how to be a better compassionate communicator, studying the Psalms and the letters of the Apostle Paul. Does the classroom get tedious and the assignments overwhelming? Absolutely. But I know that learning in this kind of environment and opportunities for this kind of interaction with my classmates will be fewer and far between once May 20th rolls around. So I'm trying to just take the student thing in stride. As Martin Luther says, "it is what it is."

As for interesting things to say, well, some days YES and some days NO. Mostly I notice stuff that irks me, like the girl in one of my classes who is constantly clicking away on her computer mouse during the most inappropriate times - like when the professor leads us in meditative prayer exercises or is having a deep conversation with of of my classmates. It's a classic "someone is talking in the movie theater" type of disturbance and conundrum - do I say something or do I try to ignore it?? So I'm ready for a little adventure to stir the imagination again. Going to Israel and Palestine this January ought to help. Until then, I suppose I'll keep my eye in the ordinary for moments of insight and do my best to notice what God is up to in my life and the lives around me.  Oh, and maybe seek out more ways to get a little unglued.

May you go and do likewise.