There is no such thing as useless knowledge. I sometimes get grief from my wife regarding all the trivia I've ingrained in my memory over the years - the 1987 & 1991 Twins roster, the endless movie quotes and what day and time The Simpson's were on in high school (Sundays, 7 pm.) But perhaps the most under-appreciated is my extensive collection and knowledge of classic and 80's rock. Sure I receive a compliment here and there for actually knowing a song before the chorus starts, but I don't think she was truly wowed until just recently. Let me explain.
I think one of the first cassette tapes I ever listened to growing up was Michael Jackson, "Thriller." My parents can attest to this as we literally wore the tape out on our trip out west so many years ago. It is also worth mentioning (before someone else does) the incident involving the first tape I purchased for myself - we'll call it the "Paula Experiment." This brief debacle of a decision occurred in the fifth grade when my loins got the best of my ears and I turned to Paula Abdul's "Forever your Girl" - a choice that complemented my best friend's (who shall remain nameless) decision to purchase Janet Jackson's "Rhythm Nation." Once I was past this mistake, it was all 80's hair bands rock - every single cassette I owned, or rather borrowed, was that of the likes of Poison, Warrant, AC/DC, Motley Crue, Aerosmith, Whitesnake, Cinderella, Tesla, Guns N' Roses etc. The sound of electric guitar, drums and high pitch vocals was one amazing blend of power and finesse - sure, I would've listened to Country or Rap if my idol and older brother Kevin thought it was cool (but he didn't), and nevertheless, Rock got its birth in my blood. The older I got, the more I ventured into the vault of heavy hitters - snatching up Metallica, Nirvana and Van Halen - to which I am still a fan. I was constantly turning it up and rockin' out - my walkman went with me while I mowed lawns and the stereo blasted in the car - it didn't matter, I loved my rock and roll.
I memorized lyrics so I could sing along - I attribute my tenor musical pitch in choir to the likes of these bands...I also learned every guitar and drum solo so I could strum and drum along. Eventually this love of rock would lead to some youthful prestige, as I helped bring home first place in the end of the year Middle School lip-sync competition. "Enter Sandman" by Metallica - I remember the performance like yesterday. The drums building up in the beginning until it culminated as I burst through a paper banner, head banging with a long haired wig - ohh, the memories are sweet. I was given the reigns as the lead singer - James Hetfield - and lip-sing I did. I knew (and still know) that song backwards and forwards - not many tunes still get me as fired up as that one does. It was a fantastic day in my 8th grade life. Heck, it is STILL a great day in my 29 year old life. I'd give anything to go back to those lip-sync and air guitar days of yesteryear...
Why this recollection all of a sudden you ask? Well, it has recently been brought to my attention that I am still a rock star - out on the wedding dance floor(s). Now, it's not that I didn't know I was a rock star - it's just that others have now recognized me, nay - elevated me as such. Attending two weddings in two weeks, I have had the pleasure and honor of bringing the house down with my mad air guitar skillz. Here's what they're saying: "He knows like, every song!" "How does he do that?!" "You're the man!" "You are the best at air guitar that I've ever seen." So how do I do what I do? It all goes back to my youth of course - all those lyrics and guitar solos memorized with no where to exercise the knowledge - it's all just waiting around, jamming out in the depths of my long term memory until the DJ hits play and out comes MJ's "Beat It" with a sick guitar solo from guest Eddie Van Halen and I unleash the rock that has been locked away for far too long. Combine this knowledge with facial expressions, guitar tricks and an energetic stage presence - yeah, some might call that the Perfect Storm of Rock. It doesn't matter what he or she throws my way - I have it somewhere inside - AC/DC's "Shook me all night long" - got it, Poison's "Ain't nothin' but a good time" - got it, "Rock and Roll all night" by Kiss - check, "Dude looks like a lady" Aerosmith - got that too. I like to keep you guessing - I may toss aside the guitar and pick up some sticks and slam down a wicked drum solo - just for kicks. It's all part of the show people - all you need to do is supply the venue and I am all over it - for free - I just love to rock, it's that simple.
There are far too many favorites to list here, but as long as the DJ has 80's rock, we're golden. Mix in some 90's while you're at it - I know lots of that too. I've heard there are actual Air Guitar contests out there - and I am intrigued. Although, I think I'll just stick to the smaller venues for now - I've got to stay true to my roots y'know - my family and friends are who make it all possible. Just keep gettin' married and having dances and I'll do the rest.
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