Tested

I had my first seminary exam yesterday. I made it through! The whole test-preparing and test-taking stuff is an absolute roller coaster of emotion. I knew coming into seminary that I was feeling good about the papers - writing, I can handle (Exhibit A: My blog). Exams on the other hand are a completely different story. I compare it to the likes of building up the courage to kiss a girl for the first time.

I've been understanding all of the material for this class from day one. It's not like it was over my head or anything, so studying was not the hard part of this task. The exam anticipation was by far the most arduous and torture inducing. I started to really hit the books hard the day before the test for I had other projects to complete prior. Much to my wife's scoffing, I took the time to type out my notes and create a study guide, complete with questions. Like creating a cheat sheet (when allowed of course) I found myself soaking the notes up again and becoming more fluent in the material. Then I studied my little heart out - reading, re-reading and asking myself the questions over and over and over again. By Wednesday night I was beginning to come a little unglued. Rebecca quizzed me and I felt I had a really good handle on everything - I was confident to be certain, but not overconfident. I think I dreamed about the test all night. By the time the morning came, I was a nervous wreck. I felt kind of queasy all over and just really really unsettled. I had given blood the night before, and thought maybe this had something to do with my ill feelings. I disregarded that reason and knew that I was doing this to myself. I tried to shake it off and assure myself that everything was going to be okay and that I was going to rock this test.

Similarly, this is exactly what ol' Keith went through when he prepared to kiss a girl for the first time. I will not give specifics of when this fateful moment occurred, but just know that it was not during my pre-teenage years like most people. It was well into my teens. Okay, okay - I was like 15 - during my sophomore year of high school. I had planned to make my move on a date around Christmas time - and I had it all figured out. I was so nervous and excited to get my first one done with. Did I mention that I was terrified? My palms were sweating the whole night. I did a countdown from ten about twenty times. And then, I made my move and whammo - my target moved and I had to abort the mission half way through. Some of you have probably heard this story a few times. I like to tell it because well, I still feel these same emotions now - nearly 15 years later (not when kissing!) No, I found myself feeling this exact same way as I prepared to take an exam yesterday. I just couldn't stay calm - it didn't matter how many times I counted myself down - I was still nervous amidst all the anticipation. Then the test arrived and I could finally focus on the task at hand. The nerves were restored. I knew I was almost home free. I sailed through the first page, no problems whatsoever. I felt great at the half way mark. Then, I set my sights on the essay on the back page. It was not what I expected despite the hundred or so times our professor described it. I had to quickly re-evaluate and re-focus my strategy, just like when my initial kiss attempt was inadvertently blocked all those years ago...

Settling back into the chair, I was half laughing and half crying at my luck - just as I had made my move, she too decided it was time to move - to adjust in her seat, and in so doing, had her head downward, unable to see an eager Keith diving in lips first. Not wanting to be there when her face returned to facing forward, I practically leapt backward and played it cool. My strategy? Thwarted. My confidence? Shaken. My determination? Rock solid. Oh, I was going to succeed, I just had to do a little readjusting myself... I stared at the blank page before me, wondering to myself how I was going to write this essay. I clarified with the professor what I had to do - just so I wouldn't take off down the wrong alley and get clobbered by a bad grade. Then, taking a deep breath and getting spiritually centered, I was off and writing.

The end of the date had arrived and I was still first kiss-less. I saw my opportunity present itself and not holding anything back, I went for it and...I succeeded. I landed my first kiss and when it was over, .0078 seconds later, I was a man. That's right, I knew I had just done what it takes to enter manhood - some of you may have other standards - but my personal kiss quest was all I needed for establishing myself as invincible. The thing I learned the most was that the kiss itself was easy. It was amazing in my 15 year old mind to be certain, but looking back on that lip to lip peck, it was an absolute breeze compared to everything that preceded it. And so it was with this test. I had done a thoroughly solid job in preparing for it and as a result, I was able to make an excellent effort and feel pretty good about it. Pretty, pretty, pretty good. Upon finishing, I left feeling amazed at how a two page test had so inflicted my psyche. Like that first kiss, getting the first test out of the way feels like reaching a milestone of a different proportion. Relieved? Yes. Satisfied? Yes. Worth all of the drama? Probably not.

So regardless of the tests we face in life, I know that we are ultimately our own worst enemies. Getting past ourselves and the build up is priority and challenge numero uno. Preparation is key - the more we can get our ships stocked, the better chances of survival and peace of mind. I know that some tests will be unexpected, but that doesn't mean we can't stay prepared. So just take a deep breath, get centered and dive in.